SUBMISSION : THE HARSH REALITY
If there was any word that used to scare me when I was younger, it was submission. “Submission” was probably a swear word in my books, not because it’s wrong but because I genuinely misinterpreted the actual meaning.
I think society refuses to actually understand definitions for themselves; we live in a time where some people get their truth and outlook on life from someone else’s tweets rather than the dictionary its-self.
I just want to say from now, my point of view is coming from a biblical standpoint and it’s okay if you disagree with what I am about to say — I just hope this will enlighten you with a different perspective on what submission looks like to a young Christian black woman in the modern western world.
In my first ever blog post, I shared that my upbringing was entirely independent, I grew up in a single-parent household, and submission wasn’t something that I witnessed between husband and wife. I did, however, learn submission from my African upbringing, which was the whole “respect your elders”. If I am being honest, I only agree with that statement to a certain extent as I do believe that Respect shouldn’t be given but in fact, earned. I think this is where some people get submission wrong — people assume that submission is given and not earned. A man should earn his right for you to submit to him. Why would you follow someone when you do not understand where they’re going? Would you follow a driver who has no destination? You should have that same rhetoric for your marriage. My journey to submission was challenging not because Sterling is not worth submitting too but because I had never really seen a healthy example of what biblical submission actually looks like.
Biblical submission first starts with God as the head; if you want to really experience the fruits of submission (biblically) the first question has to be “is this man’s heart submitted to God’s?” not “Does this man love God?” or does this man claim he follows God — no, the question is “is he submitted?” does he follow the teachings of the words that come from Christ and is he convicted by these teachings? I start with this definition of submission because a man should not demand submission if he is not submitted himself. As the head of the home, he should lead by example.
From my understanding — According to Apostle Paul, a faithful husband is willing to lay down his life for his wife. He is not a rebel who tries to force his wife to submit to his wayward ways; in fact he lives a life worth submitting too — which comes from his desire to give up ungodly ways to lead her righteously. In return, a wife offers to her husband. Submission doesn’t mean a woman loses her voice, it means her voice is a contribution and partnership to her husband’s headship.
The only headship I had was my mother (which is not bad by the way), but now this affects the dynamics of how I respected men in general. Men weren’t worth admiring in my opinion, so I was challenged by the idea of one day having to submit to one. I am grateful that I did have an older brother in the house, as he did stand as a prominent father figure in my life even till this day. The journey to submission has been challenging to say the least! Not because I have had a lot to learn, but a lot to unlearn.
The reality is I had to unlearn that men are not worth respecting. That journey has been a long road, and Sterling has seen those days! THANK GOD he is so patient and so gracious. He truly is one of a kind. God knew what he was doing while helping me learn to submit, he knew that this journey would take some time, and he placed key men in my life (outside of my brother) who I learned to respect and to some extent, I had learned submission. Many of these men had played mentors and somewhat father figures in my life, where I had learned to trust them, their leadership, and their insight. When I was able to trust men, I was then able to learn to respect them; when I had learned to appreciate them, the idea of submission was no longer impossible for me.
To be quite honest with you, I am pretty stubborn. I don’t know if being the baby of the house contributes to this. I either want things my way or no way, but life has taught me that is not the correct way of thinking.
The western world has made us quite entitled and selfish — we demand our way and think of our individual needs, throwing collectivism out of the door. Collectivism is what heals our homes.
The more the world becomes individualistic, the more problems that start to arise within our societies. Collectivism feeds well into submission, because it’s all based on a common ground of trust and respect. I pushed submission away because my ignorance led me to believe that submission is only one way, it is only deemed for the wife and NOT for the husband, but my understanding now is both parties must submit for marriage to work.
My journey to submission has been so liberating because no man on the earth cares about my heart more than Sterlings (I could also say the same for my brothers) but no man in the earth considers my feelings the way he does.. that is a fact! Knowing all of this, how can I NOT want to submit to someone who has shown me time and time again that he is willing to sacrifice his needs for the betterment of our future family and me.
I think submission truly has to be founded on trust, and you shouldn’t just give that trust to anyone. I briefly touched on this in my celibacy piece, too,
I think in a time where people get lost in “relationship goals” they can actually forget the reality of what makes a healthy relationship. The reality is a healthy relationship should always be founded on trust and respect, and it has to be BOTH ways for submission to truly work.
When submission becomes your path to a trap and not your path to freedom — I think it’s missing the biblical mark.
Feel free to comment, like and share your thoughts! I love to hear what you guys think!
