Marriage & what it’s taught me so far

So first, I thought I would apologise for my inconsistency — I wanted to use this blog as a space where I could consistently update, share and post what I was facing leading up to the wedding/marriage, but life took over lol.

I am happy I was able to find some time and write out a few things that I hope will bless others, there are still some posts I started writing and didn’t get around to finishing which I will upload within the next few weeks.

I thought this is the perfect time to give a little life update and share how it actually feels to be newly married, I want this blog post to talk about adapting, sacrifice, unlearning and learning.

I remember the night after our wedding night, I woke up in bed next to my husband, I was a little overwhelmed by the thought of it (to give context, Sterling and I had been abstaining from sex since the beginning of our relationship and I also got married a virgin lol) so there was a lot of thoughts running in my head…

I was thinking “so this is the day I am losing my virginity” — “isn’t this going to hurt?” “is this my life lol?” as Sterling was snoring away, I started pinching myself because I just couldn’t believe I was married.

Sterling and I had pre-marital counselling, and I am so happy we invested into our marriage and not just our wedding day, but pre-marital can NOT prepare you for moments like this lol. I looked at Sterling as he slept and there was a sudden reality hit, wow — this man is my husband. This is who I do life with. This is going to be the father of my future children. This is my ride-or-die. This is life.

As I said, this is a candid blog post, so in a few months (maybe, just maybe) I will share how it was transitioning from being the Godly virgin to growing sexually with my husband because I don’t think many people talk about that.

comment below and let me know if you want it^

My whole life changed on October the 6th, I didn’t just get married, my identity changed. My last name changed. My family changed, and my title changed. I was not just my mother’s daughter or my brother’s sister, I was now my husband’s wife, the responsibility had increased and I think in the morning on the 7th, it all hit me lol.

I remember waking up on the 7th of October ready to check out of our hotel, and I looked at my husband and laughed, I couldn’t stop laughing and smiling — it was a surreal moment. We had a stare and that stare was, let’s just take every day as it comes. I am so happy that I didn’t start my marriage with high expectations, I started it with grace.

I extended grace to myself and my husband because this is the first time we are doing it and sometimes we can focus so much on getting things right, that we forget to have fun. I just wanted to have fun with my husband. We prepared for our honeymoon, we spoke about our dreams, goals, fears, and insecurities, we kissed lots, we had lots of sex (gosh that honeymoon sex hit different — 10/10) we made memories, we held hands, we sang songs, we laughed.. and we are still laughing. 4 months later, we are still doing the very same things that I have listed.

I found that adapting to marriage was quite a smooth transition, the reason why it was smooth is that Sterling and I are best friends which means we have very healthy communication. Our communication, of course, was tested — the level of communication we had at the engagement level will not sustain us at the marriage level, everything turned up a notch.

I communicated my heart to Sterling daily, there is never a day that this man doesn’t know what I am thinking whether it was good, bad or ugly and vice versa. I know his thoughts because he communicates quite openly with me.

Adapting is different to everyone else but to us… maybe because we tried not to make everything so serious, we have just been focusing on enjoying life and having fun.

I always say marriage is like having a never-ending sleepover with your best friend.

The relationships around me haven’t really shifted either, I find a lot of people say your relationships will change once you’re married. I would say, I am around more wives and I found myself speaking to more married women but other than that, all my OG’s are still OG’s and I am still close with all my family.

However, there have been some conversations that I have had to have with some people around me to remind them of my boundaries and to communicate that certain things can not run no more (I will do a blog post on this because boundaries in marriage are very important, especially with family)

I find that sacrifice comes inevitably when you’re married because you’re no longer just in it for yourself, you have a spouse to consider… There is no decision I can make without considering my husband…NOTHING, even food.. before I could cook for myself, but now.. whenever I cook, I have to make sure there is enough for Sterling and Sterling can EAT chile lol. I find myself cooking way bigger portions because of his stomach.

Sacrifice isn’t a bad thing, because this is what I signed up for. If you don’t want to sacrifice, don’t get married lol. You will do a lot of it and even in the 4 months I have been married, sacrifice is something I am learning about daily.

Unlearning has been my keyword throughout marriage so far, what I learned as a single woman, I have had to unlearn as a married woman. My husband is my partner which means decisions get made TOGETHER, circumstances are discussed TOGETHER.. before when I was single if I wanted to do anything.. I wasn’t debating with anyone else but me or sometimes my bank account.. now it’s not just me, it’s my husband too.

I remember a few months ago, maybe weeks into being married.. I was building a shoe rack and I was struggling with it and my husband walked in and asked me why I didn’t call for him and I genuinely didn’t know why and his response was “you’ve been doing stuff like this by yourself so long, it’s in your nature to build something hard by yourself and you don’t have to do that anymore baby” and at that moment, I PROMISE YOU… I started tearing up..one half of me was like.. “wow this is deep” and another half of me was thinking very sexual and dirty thoughts because his comment low-key turned me on lol.

The unlearning of independence, WHEW chile. I think this has to be its own blog post within itself.. marriage has checked me, marriage has corrected me, marriage has reminded me… I AM NO LONGER ALONE.

Marriage is like a mirror. My husband has really shown me myself, he has shown me the areas I need to work on, and the things I still have to work through. Marriage will challenge you outside of comfort. It’s not easy, but with great communication — it’s very liberating.

I am looking forward to using this blog again to share what I have learned and what I am learning…p.s. there’s quite a few things coming up with Sterling and I and we can’t wait to share!!

please feel free to share, like and comment.

until next time, God bless x